Listen
A really good book about the many ways in which we get in our own way in important conversations, full of good advice for how to have more compassionate, empathic and tender conversations.
Listen: How to find the words for tender conversations
Kathryn Mannix (2021): Harper Collins
“Loneliness is not about lack of company, but lack of connection.” -
I read Katryn Mannix’ first book, “With the end in mind – death and dying in an age of denial”, some years ago and was deeply touched by all the stories from her experience working with palliative care, so when I saw that she had written a second book I immediately bought it. And now I have finally gotten around to reading it.
The book is an argument for and guide to tender and kind conversations. This is a move from listening as only receiving information (what in the book is dubbed “listening without hearing”) to listening including the context (the emotional state of the person you are listening to, the knowledge you have about their situation and so on).
The author moves through various aspects of listening, from creating the invitation (or setting context), listening to understand (acceptance, avoiding advice giving or trying to solve someone’s problem), bringing curiosity, how to ask questions (openly), the ability to sit with someone in distress (again without trying to fix it), being in silence and finishing a conversation.
The advice in the book is solid. For people who have already been working with Relating Arts there might not be too much new in it, but I would still recommend it for the stories Kathryn tells, that often touch me to tears.
One of the things emphasised in the book, which I really liked, is the concept of “companionship”. This is the importance of simply being there with someone, taking part in their experience, allowing oneself to be impacted by what is heard. Another recurring theme is how we often avoid the difficult (often emotional) conversations out of misguided care for the person in trouble, which can add loneliness to the suffering that is already there.
It’s a pretty good book. Consider reading it.
The book is an argument for and guide to tender and kind conversations. This is a move from listening as only receiving information (what in the book is dubbed “listening without hearing”) to listening including the context (the emotional state of the person you are listening to, the knowledge you have about their situation and so on).
The author moves through various aspects of listening, from creating the invitation (or setting context), listening to understand (acceptance, avoiding advice giving or trying to solve someone’s problem), bringing curiosity, how to ask questions (openly), the ability to sit with someone in distress (again without trying to fix it), being in silence and finishing a conversation.
The advice in the book is solid. For people who have already been working with Relating Arts there might not be too much new in it, but I would still recommend it for the stories Kathryn tells, that often touch me to tears.
One of the things emphasised in the book, which I really liked, is the concept of “companionship”. This is the importance of simply being there with someone, taking part in their experience, allowing oneself to be impacted by what is heard. Another recurring theme is how we often avoid the difficult (often emotional) conversations out of misguided care for the person in trouble, which can add loneliness to the suffering that is already there.
It’s a pretty good book. Consider reading it.
Thank you For reading this!
This article was written by Peter Munthe-Kaas. If you feel like something is missing or want to add something feel free to get in touch.
Peter Munthe-Kaas
I am a Copenhagen based researcher, body therapist, coach and workshop facilitator. I am interested in practices that support me and others in relating and listening better and believe that the ability to relate to myself, others, society and nature is key to living a happy life in service of what is good in the world.
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