Rouven Schneider
I’m a cultural-anthropologist, couples therapist, grief tender and sexological bodyworker based in Leipzig, Germany. Having successfully accompanied far over 1.000 couples I apply and teach my own trauma-informed somatic based approach. I facilitate group spaces and guide other guides through sharing my knowledge and paradigms.
Decluttering Love and relationships from colonial, cultural and artificial narratives I clean up with subconsciously adapted relational beliefs and behaviours. For this I draw insights, experience, practical approaches and paradigms from the combination of a vast variety of sources that lead through my different life-phases and several biography-breaks like a fateful thread.
Today I can recognise that my ongoing process of being inspired, integrating and becoming shapes my personality and professional work terminating in my vast knowledge and capacity to take on varying perspectives, while I’m constantly trying to not get stuck in rigid world views or fixed concepts. I try my best to keeping an open mind and heart while staying in humility in the presence of the experience of life and everyones own personal struggles while trying to make (whatever) things work.
Broadening the perspective: Cultural-Anthropological studies and shaping of world-view
I hold a doctors degree as Archaeologist. My intense cultural-anthropological studies of human behaviour and societies spanning vast time periods created a (highly welcomed) detachment in me from current cultural identifications and paradigms. This lead me to question seemingly everything most people take for granted – especially norms and perspectives that don’t seem to be based on our actual human prerequisites and needs. A ‘that’s just the way it is’ doesn’t exist for me. Through this I developed a reliable bullshit-detector concerning cultural and colonial influences on compensatory identifications and stubborn perspectives.
Excavating new layers of consciousness: Mens Work, Daoism and Occidental Shamanism
Realising that the college industry would keep me in a rigid structure and limit my studies, I stepped out of the university complex. Being in a severe private breakdown-phase in the end of the first decade of this millennia I tried to move away from my very rational way of thinking that didn’t provide answers for me any more. I opened to alternative teachings and therapy which led to an ongoing awakening and broadening of my consciousness.
Where before I dug out soil layers to find hints for understanding ancient people I now started to excavate the layers of human consciousness as a whole. This led me to getting involved in undogmatic semi-scientific concepts of archetypes, parts-work, initiatory ritual work, Daoism, Traditional Chinese Medicine and Jungian approaches of exploring the human psyche.
In this time I started focussing on working with groups of men and leading several yearlong trainings and initiatory retreats while starting my own practice first in Kiel and then later Saarbrücken, Germany.
Doing what I’m doing best: ‘Needs-Oriented Couples Counselling’, the 3 Pillars and relational artistry
Being broadly equipped but poorly focused I found the deep necessity to find my actual niche and zone of genius. While the work with men had huge impact on me personally as well as professionally I intuitively knew that there was a wider field to explore for me.
Taking time to not just decide anything but actual find the topic all of my prerequisites, professional and personal experiences lead towards, I realised that I could integrate the majority of my gifts in working with couples and their relational dynamics.
This niche rapidly proved as my home accelerating my career and recognition. While first working in the field of relationships on the one hand successfully but on the other without any clear structure (calling it the ‘guerilla tactic’ myself) for several years, I found the necessity to give my body of methodological work, my insights and paradigms more structure and clarity. With the help of a psychologist over time I structured my approach into the ‘3 pillars of evolutionary relating‘ (first called ‘3 pillars of resilient relating’) which resembles the paradigm that shows the interconnectedness of mindsets and traits needed to be focused upon to make a relationship sustainable, bulletproof and at the same time allowing flexibility and change, so self-expression and individual needs-orientation is possible.
Already since my time in the university I deepened my understanding in needs-theory and realised, that literally every impulse or even the lack of it is sparked by a certain sole need or a combination of them. This infused my work profoundly all along and was now representing the first pillar of evolutionary relating, in which needs-orientation is encouraged to be based on awareness and self-responsibility. Ultimately leading towards integrity, meaning stepping up for what proves as coherent and truthful personally while always genuinely challenging the own perception over and over again. My own methodological approach was born and shaped in coherence. It resembled in the ‘Needs-Oriented Couples Counselling’.
Selected Media
Integrating the body: Embodiment, Qi-Gong and Sexological Bodywork
The dedicated practice (and later teaching) of the art of Qi-Gong was perceived as a personal resource of mine since years, yet slowly somatic approaches started to infiltrate into my bouquet of methods. The awareness, mindfulness and sensitivity for body-energetic processes gained through it was implemented into my work with couples. Later I should realise that this unknowingly was my genuine and rudimentary approach to bring nervous system sensitivity into my profession.
Learning more about bodywork and embodiment tools (through several years of training and assisting in the ‘Embodied Intimacy Community’ among Rachel Rickards and Buster Rådvik, the Zürich branch of ‘Sexological Bodywork’ and learning from a multitude of other mentors) over time I adapted a big variety of practices as well as concepts and customized them on my relational work. After becoming a certified Sexological Bodyworker (IISB®) I enriched my relational work with intimacy coaching and different somatic tools for couples as well as individuals while the whole ‘sex-bod-approach‘ is also massively impacting my personal relationships towards my body and sexuality up to today.
Deepening the self-exploration: Trauma-Sensitivity and Nervous System knowledge
While in private continuously working through my behavioral patterns, childhood and relational trauma as well as partnership experiences, Love and Integrity appeared to be my biggest teachers; always curious what they will teach and where they will guide me next. Most of my methods and paradigms arose from this heart-full and committed path and I was and am continually refining my teachings and expertise according to my own insights from his diverse relational experiences.
Deep-diving into the science of trauma, attachment- and polyvagal-theory as well as other concepts of conditioning and personality-building through a vast range of teachers my relational work gained an even deeper foundation and at last clicked.
Not just that I finally had a possibility to understand myself better and work through my own relational and trauma history, I also managed to get even deeper insights through this that proved extremely precious for the people working with me. I am perceived as a credible and empathic therapist that really experienced what it means to go through relational hell and trauma and not just learned from books or trainings. I try my best to walk my talk what makes me perceived as an embodiment of a trustworthy wounded healer who meets his clients on heart- and eye-level.
I’m constantly searching for ways for connecting genuine Love with personal Integrity – which proved for me as a reliable compass – and guiding others to do likewise.
Guiding into a new paradigm: Somatic group facilitation and the ‘ERCT’
The widespread range of expertise and combination of different schools and approaches led to the need to make my work more accessible for a wider range of people and not just focusing on couples and German language. While my every day consulting still stayed with relational focus but got more remote and international I started to facilitate retreats, workshops and trainings again as well as performing at festivals especially in the Nordics in English language.
Trauma-sensitive exploration via somatic practices in a community-like setting build the overarching baseline of my events. From these the ‘Relational Laboratory‘ is a flexible format that meanwhile is widely known and loved by many participants. Through creating a non-judgemental space of embodied trust and curiosity you get to explore your own patterns and relational/societal behavior as well as conditioning – and the opportunity to shift them into new experiences.
In several years of collaboration with the trauma-sensitive ‘Somatic Experiencing’ practitioner Ida Helmers, I toured Scandinavia and Finland and started growing a constantly increasing community.
In 2021 I started to teach my concept of ‘Needs-Oriented Couples Counselling’ and trauma-sensitive relationship therapy to other therapists and coaches within the ‘Evolutionary Relationship Coaching Training‘ This annual training is acknowledged as a professional education measure by the German authorities. Meanwhile there are over 60 therapists and coaches having implemented this modular approach into their work or directly adapted my way of therapy – and the number is increasing every year. I’m planning to bring the ERCT to Finland and Sweden asap.
Descending into humility: Un-Coupling, Grief Work and my ongoing apprenticeship with sorrow
Through fortunate coincidences I got in touch with Francis Weller and his work of tending grief. Struck by the profoundness and obvious necessity of Francis’ teachings I was offered the privilege to be professionally trained by him in the sacred art of grief tending through communal rituals and ceremonies.
While I am gaining more and more practice and experience in this field I can’t help but integrate the newly gained knowledge into my body of work. Privately I gained my most impactful trauma-recovery through healthy and loving transitions from romantic partnerships towards sincere unbreakable friendships. Dealing self-responsibly with the hurt, ripped open attachment wounds and reactive behavior was only possible for me through the ongoing connection to my former lover that wasn’t shaken but rather cleansed from unhealthy dynamics or incompatibility. Through this I was literally initiated into guiding couples not only into healthier but also out of stuck romantic relationships while giving space for everything that this brings up and acknowledging the grief and despair that accompanies such transitions. I found that the biggest act of Love is actually letting go – if staying together doesn’t allow the partners to flourish any more. I help you acknowledge all the hurt and burst dreams through giving them space and processing the loss through the body and mind while also following the healthy reality of your integrity.
A committed guide at your side
I decipher complex patterns, structures and dynamics that most people perceive as given and don’t question at all. With my seemingly unique perspective and my compassionate trauma-sensitive approach I have helped far over a thousand couples towards more fulfilment and authenticity in relationships in the past 14 years. I support you in mastering the trauma-sensitive and needs-oriented art of relating. Yet I offer no fixed answers or certain relational style for you (monogamous, poly, open, solo-poly…). My dedication to Truth, Love and Integrity is my guiding light.
If you are looking for true connection with others while keeping it with yourself as well, I might be the right guide at your side.
You can contact me through the links below
Rouven Schneider