Encountering the absolute
At 23, I had an experience that seemed to rip through and reorganize the structure of my being. For the first time in my lifetime the boundary between my body and the environment had revealed its illusory nature – and briefly, just briefly, I knew in my marrow that there’s nothing missing, and not one thing that I need to fear here.
That glimpse of wholeness marked a turning point. From feeling wildly lost, I anchored in a commitment to cultivating stable access to what I had glimpsed. I dedicated myself to learn how to live connected to the unity that permeates duality.
Around that time I discovered the work of philosopher Ken Wilber. I devoured his books like chocolate chip ice cream – ‘cause his integrative framework helped me recognize my experience as part of a larger developmental journey. One where consciousness can wake up to itself, a potential that I’d tasted.
At the heart of my newfound drive lies what dr. Robert Kegan simply and profoundly describes in his “Subject-Object Theory”: Subject becomes object. Engaging spiritual practice is engaging questions of identification. Meditation is a practice of seeing what I’m subject to, observing what was once I. As my sense of “me” and its thoughts, emotions and sensations are made objects of awareness – this makes room for the next, more inclusive subject to emerge.
When there is no more subject to be made object, what remains is an effortless embrace of life as it is. Of nondual awareness: identity as all things, manifest and unmanifest. I believe that interior evolution, in terms of both states and stages of consciousness, is crucial for our ability to address the unprecedented challenges we are faced with as a collective.
Integral Zen Training
In 2018 I traveled to the desert of Torrey, Utah to practice Integral Zen with my teacher Diane Musho Hamilton Roshi – a master mediator who integrates decades of conflict resolution work with her depth of experience from 40 years of sitting meditation. I return each year to sit, study and cultivate emotional maturity together with my teacher and sangha. In 2020 I received ordination as a Zen monk, deepening my commitment to practice and service.
That same year I completed the Integral Facilitator Training (now Real Life Facilitator Program). This led me to facilitate workshops in adult development, polarity thinking, conflict styles and voice dialogue – with the intention to support growth both in terms of complexity awareness (our ability to take multiple perspectives) and states (opening to the felt sense of our universal nature).
A practice especially dear to me is the Big Mind/Big Heart process, developed by Genpo Merzel Roshi – a form of voice dialogue infused with Zen insight. Through it, I’ve learned to welcome previously disowned aspects of self, as well as to rest as unconditioned, boundless awareness – which I’ve discovered is available when I simply ask permission to speak to it.
Journalism and writing
I grew up with parents running an emergency foster home and so I was living together with people from many cultural, religious and social backgrounds – refugees, people in recovery and people rebuilding their lives. This offered me an intimate view of society’s challenges and of our resilience.
As a journalist, for the past eight years I’ve continued to meet people across a wide spectrum of experience. Writing has become both a tool of inquiry and a contemplative practice — a way to step back, feel more fully and discover what’s ready to emerge.
I share reflective essays on my Substack, exploring questions that feel alive in the moment.
Circling & Surrendered Leadership
In recent years, my path has been deeply influenced by Circling & Surrendered Leadership – relational meditation practices that invite presence, authenticity and attunement. The space often opens into transpersonal insight and mystical experiences, as the voices of the world and of our interior collectives reveal themselves through our larger body.
I’ve done two six-month trainings with John Thompson of Transformational Connection, the second as a leader-in-training on the team. I’ve also studied Authentic Relating and Non Violent Communication, and co-led workshops with Einar Boson exploring how relational meditation and awakening practices can mutually enrich one another.
These practices have helped me soften, express more freely and trust aliveness – discovering both where I hold back and how to gently let go.
Holistic Health and Embodiment
At 17, I studied at a holistic health institute in Florida, where I witnessed people reversing illness and reclaiming vitality through lifestyle change. I later certified as a holistic health coach and spent a decade exploring how nutrition can shape our wellbeing.
In my early 20’s, I spent five years learning from a German shaman, engaging in vision quests, sweat lodges and deep nature practices. His work continues to be an important container in my life, and the body memories from staying upright through crushing exhaustion live on in me. They serve as a reminder of a power far greater than this local body-mind – a vitality that carries us when we meet our edges.
