The nature of love or love of nature
Wandered and wonder in the forests and mires as a kid. Impacted by the silence of the northern climate. Growing up in the countryside in the northern part of Sweden. Not only the cold long and dark winters, also the frozen in human interactions impacted me as a sensitive child. Came to fruition as later on in adolescence bathing in awkwardness, fear, shame and a sense of loneliness within human social interactions.What felt natural as communication was interactions that I immersed myself in talking with animals, plants and ecosystems. That later took on the path of reading and making maps of understanding through natural science. I now see it as one expression of the embracing of life, as loving the unfolding of diversity and beauty of lifeforms and how we are all connected.
My father worked as an inventor of machines improving the work in the forest industry. I loved my father. He showed me things he did in nature when he grew up. Things like: course fishing and harvesting plants you could make cool like magical fire tricks with.
There were not many kids in my own age in the village where I grew up. Mainly hang out with 3 guys around my age. Playing football and watching the guys play nintendo (that was not my particular interest, nintendo nor football). At one point bored with playing nintendo we decided to walk into a neibours house uninvited. Where the owner caught us and moved into rage chasing us, running in panic out of the house. Me and the neigbour son runned the full mile or so, to hide in an outhouse at our yard. Where we stayed for I don´t know how long, in fear and shame of what we had done. My father eventually found us and was not mad, when we told him what we done. Quite the opposite, how he smiled a warm smile telling us that’s a natural thing to do. Then sharing stories what more or less stupid things he had done as a kid.
My father was not only creative, he was also good at reading people. I remember being intrigued listening how he resonated talking about his employees with my mother.
There was not much feedback available in direct human interactions so I turned my learning to television. Immersed especially in american sitcoms that where a part of the public service offerings at the time (like Full House and Blossom). Remember being in wonder how kids expressed their feelings, standing up for what they believed in. This together with adults’ willingness in these shows, to meet and be with their kids. How they shared tough conversations, moved trough conflicts, often resulting in hugging each other in the end.
The journey of self love and understanding through relational practices.
Finding myself on a beach in Thailand alone where my lifepartner where in Bangkok with his lover. It was a part of the plan. But I came to wonder. Hollow disconnected. The sand on the beach was soft and warm, turquoise ocean and local village children playing together joyfully in the distance. My world was grey. Then and there, I decided to reconnect to some sort of aliveness. My tought was to try yoga. Back home I ended up joining a group practicing body awareness. A practice where the aim was solely to listen to the body. This came to be my first contact with a deeper inquiry to being. Later on in this practice I came in contact with Circling. Intrigued with the experience trying to name the experience of my inner world. With just a couple of minor experiences in relation to one person, I stepped into a circling weekend in Amsterdam with 50people. It was a horrific and mind twisting experience. Where I came to discover the flavour of fast forward connection, to be seen by- and to see strangers.
Over the past 5 years, through a SAS, facilitating online relateful sessions every week. Immersed in an empowering company culture. Together with practicing NVC as learning to understand connection, and disconnection in our actions as meeting our needs. I´ve learned to distinguish amongst the many aspects of my experience being a human being in this world. That feeling that I feel is valid, thinking as I think is valid, needing what I need is valid, as it is, and so move from there, if I want. The practice has taught me to see the difference between adapting unconsciously through fear, or attuning consciously through love. It has also taught me that playing attuned to love and truth the surroundings eventually start playing as well.
